11.9.21 Trach Floor 14

This afternoon the rain was beating against our window. We had calming classical music in the background. The song that I walked down the aisle to at my wedding started to play. It became the soundtrack to very different dramatic moment of my life as I restrained Aimee’s head movements so that the nurse could attempt multiple times to replace the very large drain tube down her nose into her stomach. 

When I walked down the aisle to Clair de Lune, I thought I understood love. And I did, but… I could not yet understand these moments, these are also love and beauty, but mixed and muddled together with sadness and trauma. In a tiny and continuously unfolding revelation, I discover more glimpses of love. 

Today did not go quite as planned. Aimee’s NG tube slipped halfway out without anyone catching it. It was not functioning through last night so that Aimee was quite bloated and moaning uncomfortably this morning. It was pretty traumatic for Aimee, for me, for our nurse to have to try many times to replace it and go through the different steps to ensure that it was correct. It ended up taking all day long before we got her to a comfortable enough place to attempt the small pedialyte dose. We began that at 5pm finally. It is early yet, but I am hopeful that this will be easily absorbable and add no discomfort to Aimee. If it goes well, we can increase her rate gradually from there.