today to recover. She has been exhausted, agitated, in pain, and dealing with secretion issues all day. The respiratory therapists have been with us quite a bit through the day and night. If we feel that she is recovered enough in the morning, we may give food another go at 5mls an hour. As the attending reminded me today, our goal right now is not to get her on feeds. Our goal is to wake up her digestive system. We are trying to use food in tiny amounts to rouse it. Pushing her harder, causing her pain and vomiting does not aid us in that goal.
Ed and I are here together tonight before I head home for a week (aside from coming back in for training). We are both exhausted and numb and just weary. There is so much tension in my jaw and neck and shoulders. Yet, it is amazing how when you have no choice, you continue forward. We must be here for Aimee, because of our love for her. We must be home for Caleb, Elliot, Walter, and Louisa, because of our love for them. And so we will.
One way I am maintaining hope is by hand making little presents for the kids’ Christmas and by starting to learn to watercolor. It is a stress reliever and brings delight to my heart. I can see several autumn trees from Aimee’s room window and this painting I worked on between doctors yesterday is to remind me of all the colors I can see even from here in this unhopeful space.
Very beautiful painting! I am glad you have something to do that you enjoy while you are with Aimee.
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