1.23.13 What Might Have Been

As Ed was getting Aimee ready for bed tonight, she was quite energetic and doing some pretty fancy movements. I wish I could catch them on video. She has been arching her back way up off the surface she is laying on, I'd say a couple inches off. She has also been turning her head and throwing her arm up above it as a little baby does when learning to roll over. We are very proud of her for learning and attempting new movements.

As we were admiring her attempts, we began to imagine what might have been. We rarely go there. It's painful to acknowledge what you are missing, what your heart wants for your beautiful girl that, in human terms, can never happen. If she was a typical 3, almost 4 year old, we picture her playing make believe, taking dance lessons, swinging at the park. We imagine Aimee riding a tricycle, making cookies with momma, and wanting to go help daddy with his projects. We see tiny glimpses that we secretly imagine into full blown Aimee. She loves the sound of Daddy's tools, which I picture as her wanting to learn to use a drill. She points her toes and then raises her feet and arms as if to dance, we picture a ballerina.

We don't get to know why our lovely Aimee is not doing, and without a miracle, will never do those wonderful things. We enjoy her smiles, her laughter, and her determination. Yet, sometimes we must grieve for Aimee and for what we imagine she would be. And then we kiss her soft skin, wish her good night, and hope for the someday when the imaginings come to be.